WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
