Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
