Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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