I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
