the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my sisters under your porch take her home
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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