Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
