I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
