hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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