Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
