Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
