They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
"it" just moved
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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