consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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