even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
