Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
