wat bout pragnant strippers??
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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