I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize