Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
