We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
