I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
