I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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