apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
