u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
