I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
