ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
