he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
