Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
