i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I will be naked everywhere
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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