Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
