I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
