dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
