OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
