quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize