I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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