Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
soo... how was my night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
