so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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