So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize