shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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