I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize