i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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