You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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