forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
