the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
