I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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