How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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