And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You're my little dorito
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
