Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
