508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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