I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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