on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
