Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
