oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I need to align my fucking chakras
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
