I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
