margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize