Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
