I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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