i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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