guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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