I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
