it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
