Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
