do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
