wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
