Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
