dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
